Romance in school, a lesson for all

Romance in school, a lesson for all

Affairs are common, but parents & teachers must deal with kids as friends  Pallavi Smart l Mumbai

Isha Shah (name changed), 12, was a bright girl whose sudden dip in academic performance worried her family. What added to the tension was that she began staying aloof, would get irritated easily and avoided conversations with friends and family. When she was taken to a counsellor, she confided that her boyfriend had recently broken up with her and that it was getting difficult for her to overcome rejection. Isha’s is not a one-off case. An increasing number of schoolchildren are now getting into serious relationships. While attraction among schoolchildren is common, they are now getting into romantic relationships at a very young age. This is difficult to digest, especially for the orthodox population in society, but psychiatrists say children need to be handled with care. They said it is essential to be open-minded and have a friendly chat with children to tackle such situations.        Avijeet Biswas, a creative writer, was taken aback when his 12-year-old daughter mentioned her boyfriend during a conversation with him. “My wife and I were shocked. Luckily, we have a friendly atmosphere at home and she could openly discuss it with us. At least we know what our daughter is up to and she too is confident about sharing everything with us. There is nothing, but a very special friendship between her and the boy which is very normal,” he said. Avnita Bir, principal of RA Podar school, said it is important for parents to know that such relationships are normal at a young age. “Schools too are aware about such romances and handle the situation accordingly. We see the seriousness of the matter and whether there is a need to involve parents. Also, parents are the last to know about such relationships. Usually, the teachers speak to the children in a friendly manner,” she said.     Teachers must be sensitive while talking to children, said psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty. “It is important not to ridicule their affection for someone. When a primary kid calls someone his boyfriend or girlfriend, he is merely imitating his elders. At that age, children speak about love without understanding its meaning. Proposals usually start when they are in their teens – in standard VI or VII,” he said. He said parents also need to understand the feelings of children. “Those who react in a harsh manner are themselves deprived of love. One must build confidence among children while discussing such matters,” Shetty said.      Bir said children often get into romantic relationships because it is cool. “For some, it is an experiment and for others, it is exciting. During school assemblies, such topics are discussed without taking names so that the children are aware about reality. Parents and teachers must not preach. They should approach the child in such a way that he/she feels that the person is willing to understand him/her,” she said. Physical attraction must also be dealt with in a subtle manner. “One should not be harsh. Public display of affection must be dealt with compassionately. If teachers find children passing love notes, they must correct or appreciate the English in it instead of pinpointing a child involved in a love affair. Complications reduce when one brings love into the picture,” Dr Shetty said. Published Date:  Jul 13, 2012           Courtesy (visited on 14.7.12)

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/story.aspx?id=22109&boxid=21951&ed_date=2012-07-13&ed_code=820009&ed_page=1

Surrogate parenthood for Schools?!

Schools or surrogate parents?

Kanchan Srivastava   A growing number of overburdened working parents are passing on the responsibility of instilling moral values in their children to schools. Also, they are expecting the schools to go the extra mile and do parenting, which has obviously gone missing in most modern families. Kanchan Srivastava talks about the additional burden on teachers                When eight-year-old Rahul (named changed) blurted a foul word after his mother reprimanded him for bashing up the children in the neighbourhood, she was aghast. “Do you go to school to learn this rubbish?” she shouted. The worried parents rushed to school the next day and told his teachers to teach him ‘right’ lessons.     Rahul’s teacher was not amused when the boy confided in her later. “My maids talk like this when mom is in office,” he told her.  After school, the boy watches television and plays computer games, most of which are violent. He barely gets to see his parents. His parents, Radhika and Mohan Dave, say: “We pay lakhs of rupees as school fee. It’s the school’s job to nurture good values in children.”     As soon as children join school, most parents wash their hands of their responsibility to even monitor their activities. “Many parents feel that moral lessons and good habits must be taught in schools,” says the teacher. So, schools are expected to inculcate good behaviour among children, monitor their TV and computer indulgences, see that they have a healthy diet and teach them all about Indian culture. In other words, they are supposed to take up the role of ‘surrogate parents’ to children, nurturing them in their most impressionable period and making them perfect.    S Shyamali, a banker and mother of six-and-nine year olds, feels it is difficult to juggle work and raise a child. “Working parents have their own deadlines and priorities and chores. At the end of the day, we neither have the energy nor the patience to nurture our child,” she says. Most parents like Tanvi Kalekar, an MNC employee and mother of two daughters, entrusts the entire responsibility on schools. “Inculcating moral values in children is the school’s responsibility because they spend six to seven hours there. But few schools are really doing the job,” she says.     As parents have no time for their children, the pressure builds up on schools. Wilfred Noronha, coordinator of secondary section at St Mary’s High School, meets hundreds of parent every month.  “About 70 to 80% children of my school spend their day in a crèche or with domestic help as both their parents work. Due to lack of parental attention, a few children become attention seekers and resort to mischievous acts to get noticed. Again parents refuse to share the responsibility. The onus lies on teachers to emotionally support and nurture all 40 children in the class.”     Parents expect teachers to be role models for their children and come out with flying colours. “We are expected to help every child to top the class as parents fail to weigh the child’s limitations,” says Rushad Dupetawala, a class X physics teacher. “Raising a child is a joint effort but parents expect us to be surrogate parents. They want teachers, and not themselves, to be the role model for their children,” says Deepshikha Srivastava, principal of Rajhans Vidyalaya, Andheri.     PC Chhabra, principal of Delhi Public School, Navi Mumbai, rues that couples hardly have time for their children. “Couples must devote time to bring up the child. Unfortunately, that is not happening. Parents expect everything from us these days.” Burdened with work and with little time left for their children, parents’ expectations on schools pile up. “Exhausted and emotionally disconnected parents are not only forcing their responsibilities on the schools but also hold them accountable for their child’s actions,” says psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty. He also cautions parents on over-pampering children with goodies and gifts to counter the guilt of not spending time with them as this will spell trouble for the little ones.     Parents should realise that children are constantly learning from instances and experiences around them and it is not right to blame the school if they see their children misbehaving. “Children see their parents bribing at traffic signals, fighting with neighbours over trivial issues and telling lies to the boss and friends. But parents want us to teach them good values,” says a BMC school principal.     Additional municipal commissioner Manisha Mhaiskar feels that a balance between career and parenting is a must. “You may be a terribly busy parent but you need to prioritise things. Eighty per cent of the time I am able to do what I prioritise. No doubt, schools have a very important role in developing a child’s personality but only parents can inculcate the most valuable virtues of life,” she says. But not every parent is able to shower attention on their children. A fashion designer, who is separated from her husband, says: “I know my depressed son needs my attention but what to do. Late night work doesn’t allow me to do so.” The child is being counselled at school. He is not alone.     Nanda Botadkar, a counsellor with Hansraj Morarji School, says, “50% of students feel shy to discuss their problems with the parents but pour their hearts out to us. We help such children to empower themselves so that they can sustain on their own. But a child can be helped fully only when his/her family is involved.” Anjana Prakash, principal of Hansraj Morarji School, says the solution may be living in a joint family. “Over 60% children at my school have both working parents and half of them stay at creches or with domestic help during the day,” she says. Census 2011 reveals that the number of households with joint families has gone up by 77% in the suburbs and 35% in the island city in the last 10 years. “This is a good sign as more and more children will stay with their grandparents and will learn the values,” says Prakash. Cashing in     Realising the parental pressure, many schools offer more on their platter and advertise their education on tradition and values. Pawar International School’s website chalks out its mission: “...by offering our students a plethora of avenues other than teaching, that will help develop their skills, creativity and thought processes, in short contribute to “the content of their character”.      Schools claim to provide students with strong moral values, tolerance and understanding of cultures and religions. Jamnabai Narsee School says its aim is to develop “concern for the needs of others, and consideration for the less fortunate, knowledge and appreciation of India’s cultural heritage with a special emphasis on the culture of the community in and around the school.” Most schools celebrate festivals and organise national and international tours, relieving parents of more responsibilities.

Published Date:  Jul 12, 2012        Courtesy(visited on 12.7.12)

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/story.aspx?id=21996&boxid=14740&ed_date=2012-07-12&ed_code=820009&ed_page=2

Internet addiction killing personal touch

Internet addiction killing personal touch

Kids spend hours on the computer but have no time to interact with friends & parents

Pallavi Smart ? Mumbai

A Std V student often missed school because he was engrossed in playing games on the internet till late in the night. A Std X student was also addicted to internet gaming. Experts found that the children faced serious emotional and academic issues and that they used the internet to block their anxiety.       Addiction to the internet among schoolchildren is increasingly becoming a cause for concern for parents. Children as young as eight and nine years old spend hours on the computer either surfing the internet or chatting on social networking sites. Technology is a necessity in the changing education system today and the internet cannot be ignored by parents and children.       It is, however, important for parents to inculcate ‘internet hygiene’ among children and ensure they don’t get addicted to it, experts said. “There are three issues — a child first goes to school, then tuition classes followed by another tuition class by his parents at home. Amid all this, the child hardly gets time to meet friends. Facebook then becomes a place for him to meet his friends. It takes over an hour just to say hi to all friends on the chat list,” said Dr Harish Shetty, renowned psychiatrist.       Secondly, Shetty said, downloading from the internet is a common phenomenon. The content can be informative or just for entertainment. But that also takes time. Thirdly, internet gaming is gaining popularity among children. “Instead of being dictators and preventing children from using the internet, parents must understand what’s going on in their mind and take the craze out of them,” Shetty added.      “Internet hygiene is about the appropriate use of the Web. For effective results, one should start early. Children must not be allowed to use the computer late at night. They should not be allowed to use social networking sites for more than half-an-hour,” Dr Shetty said.      Nita Mehta, clinical psychologist from the New Horizon Child Development Centre, agrees. “Internet usage is unavoidable today, but parents need to be aware of what their children are up to. Apart from keeping the computer in a public area at home, there should be a time limitation on using it. Certain websites should be blocked,” she said. “The idea is not to stop internet usage, but understand how to use it effectively. Why can’t parents sit with their children when they need information from the Internet for their projects? It is also important to educate them about the adverse effects of the Internet and the dangers of chatting with strangers,” said Sohini Chatterjee, clinical psychologist and clinical director at New Horizon.     “Children should also be told about the adverse effects of internet gaming. Parents should avoid giving laptops to schoolchildren as they offer a great level of privacy,” Dr Shetty said. He said it is important to consult a counsellor if a child avoids conversations or outings with parents and friends. Appearing bored and losing grades are also signs of internet addiction.      Experts said phone hygiene is also important. “Mobile phones should be kept away from children after 11pm as kids have a tendency to listen to songs while sleeping,” Dr Shetty said.

Published Date:  Jun 26, 2012

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/story.aspx?id=20792&boxid=24099&ed_date=2012-06-26&ed_code=820009&ed_page=3

Shifting schools not pleasant

Shifting schools not pleasant for most kids

Especially for students who shift to a school in another city altogether, it’s more difficult for teenagers to adjust than younger kids

Rito Paul

Emil Xavier, now 28, moved schools at the age of 14. It was quite a cultural shock, moving from Chennai to Kolkata. To top that, he was moving to a Jesuit school with its own set of rules and rituals. “It was incredibly tough. For the first few days, everyone was really friendly. I guess it was because I was a novelty, and the other children were curious. But after a couple of months, after they’d found out everything about me, they just lost interest. Suddenly no one paid any attention to me. If they did mark my presence, it was only to make fun of my accent.” Xavier says that he didn’t make a single friend in his new school that he’s continues to stay in touch with today.     Moving schools can turn out to be a tough experience for students. And contrary to what people might think, the older the student is, tougher it is adapt. Rhea Tembhekar, head psychologist at Coffee Counselling explains. “If the child is very young, then the level of social awareness and social consciousness is low. The child’s bonding with school friends is probably not that strong at a very young age. But for teenagers, it becomes a whole different ballgame,” she says. According to Tembhekar, teenagers have much stronger social bonds with their friends and to suddenly be transported in to a new environment can be a daunting challenge. “A teenager is trying to find his/her place in the world in any case. Insecurities and doubts plague teenagers. In addition to that, to try and make new friends in an alien school environment can be quite tough. Especially if the child has moved to a school in an entirely different state,” she adds.     Moving schools in the same city is an easier proposition, according to Tembhekar. “The child can still meet his/her old friends over the weekends or even during the week. Their home, their neighbours remain the same so the alienation is not as much as for a child who has moved to a new state.” Tembhekar narrates the incident of a teenager who’d joined a posh Mumbai school from a small town. He wasn’t very proficient in spoken English and had a bit of an accent. This became a sore point for the boy, whose school mates would tease him about what they perceived as a deficiency. “It got so bad that he had to take counselling.”     Tembhekar suggests that if parents feel that the child is not fitting well in the new school environment then they should spend more time with them. “The attention deficit in school can, to a certain extent, be compensated by the parent. Also parents should make an effort to enroll the child in sporting clubs and hobby classes so that s/he has a chance to interact with kids of a similar age outside school,” she says. Schools and teachers, Tembhekar suggests, also have a role to play in the settling in of a child, but they have their limitations. “Teachers can’t give a new child the attention that they might need. Also too much attention from the teacher can lead to further alienation within the peer-group.”     Ophelia Barreto, principal of Podar International School (SSC) says that in her school new children are always introduced by the teacher and themselves in front of the class. “We also encourage other students to ask questions to the new student. It helps break the ice. We also sometimes make use of a ‘buddy’ system, where an existing student is asked to make friends with the new arrival and guide him/her through the first few days of school,” she says.    Tembhekar says that how well a child settles in a new school is also dependant on the personality of the child. “There are some children who are naturally outgoing and sociable. These children find it easier to make friends and might not have problems fitting in. However, there are those who might be a little more socially circumspect; these children need some attention and guidance to make the transition a bit easier for them.”

Published Date:  Jun 24, 2012     Courtesy (visited 12.7.12) http://epaper.dnaindia.com/story.aspx?id=20603&boxid=26669820&ed_date=2012-06-24&ed_code=820009&ed_page=4

Beware! Do not feed your child’s allergy

Beware! Do not feed your child’s allergy

Doctors say parents often mistake allergic reactions to food for seasonal ailments

Maitri Porecha l Mumbai

When Rahul, 10, (name changed), a student of Ghatkopar’s Universal School, started scratching himself uncontrollably because of immense itching, the nature of the rashes on his body made his school principal suspect the itching was caused by a food allergy.      Parents often fail to realise that food can cause allergies that manifest themselves in the form of skin rashes, coughs, colds or difficulty in breathing. They often mistake these symptoms for seasonal infections and ignore the problem, says Kavita Malhotra, principal of Universal School. “In school, sometimes children have rashes or trouble breathing. Parents don’t realise that some children can’t tolerate certain vegetables, like brinjals, or berries or milk; at times, even cereals,” she adds.      An international study reveals, in any given population, 4-6% children may have food allergies. Doctors say that a child who is fed non-mother’s milk, egg, wheat or nuts before the age of six months develops allergies to such foodstuffs. “Often, mothers who are unable to breastfeed their children give them cow’s milk. Elders feed children khichdi or dalia thinking it will boost the baby’s growth. An infant’s intestines aren’t capable of digesting milk, egg or wheat protein. Such a child will grow up to develop intolerance towards such food,” says Dr Amin Kitekar, consulting paediatrician at Kurla’s Kohinoor Hospital.     Nutritionists suggest that children who are allergic to milk protein can be given snacks replete with yoghurt, cheese or butter so that their daily requirement of calcium is fulfilled. While rashes or respiratory distress are minor symptoms, doctors say extreme intolerance to certain foodstuffs can cause a child to slip into an anaphylactic shock. “If a child develops severe reactions, such as low blood pressure or breathlessness due to swelling of the throat, he/she should be taken to hospital. Schools too should be equipped with infrastructure and manpower to stabilise the child,” says Dr Bijal Shrivastav, paediatrician at LH Hiranandani hospital in Powai. “Skin prick tests were done to ascertain food allergies. Now, blood tests are enough. Parents shouldn’t leave such things to chance, and get their child’s blood tests done.”

Published Date:  Jul 10, 2012          Courtesy(visited on (12.7.12)

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/story.aspx?id=21845&boxid=23862&ed_date=2012-07-10&ed_code=820009&ed_page=1

Kids should eat right

Kids should eat right and often to avoid acidity, fatigue

Somita Pal l Mumbai

Schoolchildren falling prey to acidity or complaining about fatigue and loss of concentration is mainly because of micro-nutrition deficiency and a long time gap between meals, doctors said. They said micro-nutrition deficiency such as lack of iron and B12 is a common problem among schoolchildren and can be tackled by following basic rules.      “The biggest problem is the gap between meals and children going to school on an empty stomach. Children often skip breakfast and then there is a long gap before they eat in the recess,” said Dr Archana Kher, consultant paediatrician at SevenHills hospital. “An imbalanced diet also makes children vulnerable to infections, fever and fatigue,” said Dr Nitin Shah, consultant paediatrician at PD Hinduja hospital. Dr Kher agrees. “Out of 10 parents, five admit that their child eats more junk food and an imbalanced diet. Also, there is invariably a gap between meals. Simple things like ensuring your child has a fruit every day will help in building his/her immune system and fight diseases,” she said.      Experts said schoolchildren especially need energy-rich food because they are growing and very active. “There should be a progression towards an adult-style healthy diet, but with continued emphasis on food with a high energy and nutrient content. The progression should be gradual by increasing intake of food rich with fibre and reducing fatty food from the diet. Also, there should an increase in the intake of food with starch content. Investing a little time for your child’s health is crucial and there can be no excuse for not doing that,” said Dr Mukesh Sanklecha, consultant paediatrician at Bombay hospital.      Dieticians say making small changes in one’s lifestyle can make all the difference. “Ensure you give nutritious food to your child at least six days a week. As a reward, reserve one day for him/her to have junk food,” Dr Kher said. Doctors said schools should be more proactive in spreading awareness about eating right. Some schools have already instructed parents and students not to carry junk food or aerated drinks in the school premises. Others have consulted dieticians and come up with a diet plan to be followed by parents while giving tiffin boxes to their children.

Published Date:  Jun 23, 2012   Courtesy(visited on (12.7.12)

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/story.aspx?id=20524&boxid=25438&ed_date=2012-06-23&ed_code=820009&ed_page=1

Junk food = low grades; nutritious food = high grades

Junk food = low grades; nutritious food = high grades

Study shows children’s concentration and memory levels are linked to their food habits

Puja Pednekar l Mumbai

Twelve-year-old Gayatri from a school in Kandivli is a backbencher. Not only are her scores low, but she is also overweight for her age and hence made to sit at the back of the class. She is an introvert and has few friends. “I am used to people calling me ‘fatso’ and ‘elephant’. Because I am bulky, teachers make me sit on the last bench so that I don’t block anyone’s view,” she says. Gayatri scores less than 60% in her exams. Nisha from Santa Cruz, on the other hand, is thin and athletic, but she too faces similar issues in class. “I am tired of people asking me to eat more. My mother packs chapattis covered in ghee in my tiffin box. Even then, my tiffin box is the laughing stock of the class,” she says.    A child’s eating habits can make him/her either obese or lanky. This in turn affects his/her learning abilities, say city psychiatrists. Harish Shetty, senior psychiatrist, says that those who are among the fattest and thinnest in class tend to develop negative feelings, which affect their academic performance and social interaction. “Such children are often bullied by peers. These (negative) feelings need to be addressed in class by the teacher and also at home by parents,” he says.     Child Intelligence and Health, a recent study by Indian Medical Academy, has found that children’s eating habits is one of the factors that affects their academic performance. The study found that among those who scored below 80% in their exams, 64% ate in the school canteen for more than three days. Conducted with 500 parents and 40 paediatricians, it shows that having good eating habits could lead to better grades in school, as the child will not miss school due to sickness.     According to psychologist Seema Hingorany, parents need to keep an eye on what their children are eating in the canteen. “Children’s concentration and memory levels are linked to their food habits. If the school canteen is serving healthy meals, which include clean leafy vegetables, salads and rice, then the child is getting the required nutrition. On the other hand, if he/she is eating vada pav, pav bhaji, samosa and other fatty foods from the canteen, then he/she must be stopped immediately,” she says. Shetty says that teachers need to maintain emotional equity in class by identifying which child is suffering from self-esteem issues, and subtly address them. “A teacher or parent can motivate the child by praising him/her for small successes, spending a little extra time with him/her, and protecting him/her from being bullied.” (Students’ names have been changed to protect identities)

Published Date:  Jun 25, 2012   Courtesy(visited on (12.7.12)

   http://epaper.dnaindia.com/story.aspx?id=20684&boxid=22858&ed_date=2012-06-25&ed_code=820009&ed_page=1