Romance in school, a lesson for all

Romance in school, a lesson for all

Affairs are common, but parents & teachers must deal with kids as friends  Pallavi Smart l Mumbai

Isha Shah (name changed), 12, was a bright girl whose sudden dip in academic performance worried her family. What added to the tension was that she began staying aloof, would get irritated easily and avoided conversations with friends and family. When she was taken to a counsellor, she confided that her boyfriend had recently broken up with her and that it was getting difficult for her to overcome rejection. Isha’s is not a one-off case. An increasing number of schoolchildren are now getting into serious relationships. While attraction among schoolchildren is common, they are now getting into romantic relationships at a very young age. This is difficult to digest, especially for the orthodox population in society, but psychiatrists say children need to be handled with care. They said it is essential to be open-minded and have a friendly chat with children to tackle such situations.        Avijeet Biswas, a creative writer, was taken aback when his 12-year-old daughter mentioned her boyfriend during a conversation with him. “My wife and I were shocked. Luckily, we have a friendly atmosphere at home and she could openly discuss it with us. At least we know what our daughter is up to and she too is confident about sharing everything with us. There is nothing, but a very special friendship between her and the boy which is very normal,” he said. Avnita Bir, principal of RA Podar school, said it is important for parents to know that such relationships are normal at a young age. “Schools too are aware about such romances and handle the situation accordingly. We see the seriousness of the matter and whether there is a need to involve parents. Also, parents are the last to know about such relationships. Usually, the teachers speak to the children in a friendly manner,” she said.     Teachers must be sensitive while talking to children, said psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty. “It is important not to ridicule their affection for someone. When a primary kid calls someone his boyfriend or girlfriend, he is merely imitating his elders. At that age, children speak about love without understanding its meaning. Proposals usually start when they are in their teens – in standard VI or VII,” he said. He said parents also need to understand the feelings of children. “Those who react in a harsh manner are themselves deprived of love. One must build confidence among children while discussing such matters,” Shetty said.      Bir said children often get into romantic relationships because it is cool. “For some, it is an experiment and for others, it is exciting. During school assemblies, such topics are discussed without taking names so that the children are aware about reality. Parents and teachers must not preach. They should approach the child in such a way that he/she feels that the person is willing to understand him/her,” she said. Physical attraction must also be dealt with in a subtle manner. “One should not be harsh. Public display of affection must be dealt with compassionately. If teachers find children passing love notes, they must correct or appreciate the English in it instead of pinpointing a child involved in a love affair. Complications reduce when one brings love into the picture,” Dr Shetty said. Published Date:  Jul 13, 2012           Courtesy (visited on 14.7.12)

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