Surrogate parenthood for Schools?!

Schools or surrogate parents?

Kanchan Srivastava   A growing number of overburdened working parents are passing on the responsibility of instilling moral values in their children to schools. Also, they are expecting the schools to go the extra mile and do parenting, which has obviously gone missing in most modern families. Kanchan Srivastava talks about the additional burden on teachers                When eight-year-old Rahul (named changed) blurted a foul word after his mother reprimanded him for bashing up the children in the neighbourhood, she was aghast. “Do you go to school to learn this rubbish?” she shouted. The worried parents rushed to school the next day and told his teachers to teach him ‘right’ lessons.     Rahul’s teacher was not amused when the boy confided in her later. “My maids talk like this when mom is in office,” he told her.  After school, the boy watches television and plays computer games, most of which are violent. He barely gets to see his parents. His parents, Radhika and Mohan Dave, say: “We pay lakhs of rupees as school fee. It’s the school’s job to nurture good values in children.”     As soon as children join school, most parents wash their hands of their responsibility to even monitor their activities. “Many parents feel that moral lessons and good habits must be taught in schools,” says the teacher. So, schools are expected to inculcate good behaviour among children, monitor their TV and computer indulgences, see that they have a healthy diet and teach them all about Indian culture. In other words, they are supposed to take up the role of ‘surrogate parents’ to children, nurturing them in their most impressionable period and making them perfect.    S Shyamali, a banker and mother of six-and-nine year olds, feels it is difficult to juggle work and raise a child. “Working parents have their own deadlines and priorities and chores. At the end of the day, we neither have the energy nor the patience to nurture our child,” she says. Most parents like Tanvi Kalekar, an MNC employee and mother of two daughters, entrusts the entire responsibility on schools. “Inculcating moral values in children is the school’s responsibility because they spend six to seven hours there. But few schools are really doing the job,” she says.     As parents have no time for their children, the pressure builds up on schools. Wilfred Noronha, coordinator of secondary section at St Mary’s High School, meets hundreds of parent every month.  “About 70 to 80% children of my school spend their day in a crèche or with domestic help as both their parents work. Due to lack of parental attention, a few children become attention seekers and resort to mischievous acts to get noticed. Again parents refuse to share the responsibility. The onus lies on teachers to emotionally support and nurture all 40 children in the class.”     Parents expect teachers to be role models for their children and come out with flying colours. “We are expected to help every child to top the class as parents fail to weigh the child’s limitations,” says Rushad Dupetawala, a class X physics teacher. “Raising a child is a joint effort but parents expect us to be surrogate parents. They want teachers, and not themselves, to be the role model for their children,” says Deepshikha Srivastava, principal of Rajhans Vidyalaya, Andheri.     PC Chhabra, principal of Delhi Public School, Navi Mumbai, rues that couples hardly have time for their children. “Couples must devote time to bring up the child. Unfortunately, that is not happening. Parents expect everything from us these days.” Burdened with work and with little time left for their children, parents’ expectations on schools pile up. “Exhausted and emotionally disconnected parents are not only forcing their responsibilities on the schools but also hold them accountable for their child’s actions,” says psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty. He also cautions parents on over-pampering children with goodies and gifts to counter the guilt of not spending time with them as this will spell trouble for the little ones.     Parents should realise that children are constantly learning from instances and experiences around them and it is not right to blame the school if they see their children misbehaving. “Children see their parents bribing at traffic signals, fighting with neighbours over trivial issues and telling lies to the boss and friends. But parents want us to teach them good values,” says a BMC school principal.     Additional municipal commissioner Manisha Mhaiskar feels that a balance between career and parenting is a must. “You may be a terribly busy parent but you need to prioritise things. Eighty per cent of the time I am able to do what I prioritise. No doubt, schools have a very important role in developing a child’s personality but only parents can inculcate the most valuable virtues of life,” she says. But not every parent is able to shower attention on their children. A fashion designer, who is separated from her husband, says: “I know my depressed son needs my attention but what to do. Late night work doesn’t allow me to do so.” The child is being counselled at school. He is not alone.     Nanda Botadkar, a counsellor with Hansraj Morarji School, says, “50% of students feel shy to discuss their problems with the parents but pour their hearts out to us. We help such children to empower themselves so that they can sustain on their own. But a child can be helped fully only when his/her family is involved.” Anjana Prakash, principal of Hansraj Morarji School, says the solution may be living in a joint family. “Over 60% children at my school have both working parents and half of them stay at creches or with domestic help during the day,” she says. Census 2011 reveals that the number of households with joint families has gone up by 77% in the suburbs and 35% in the island city in the last 10 years. “This is a good sign as more and more children will stay with their grandparents and will learn the values,” says Prakash. Cashing in     Realising the parental pressure, many schools offer more on their platter and advertise their education on tradition and values. Pawar International School’s website chalks out its mission: “...by offering our students a plethora of avenues other than teaching, that will help develop their skills, creativity and thought processes, in short contribute to “the content of their character”.      Schools claim to provide students with strong moral values, tolerance and understanding of cultures and religions. Jamnabai Narsee School says its aim is to develop “concern for the needs of others, and consideration for the less fortunate, knowledge and appreciation of India’s cultural heritage with a special emphasis on the culture of the community in and around the school.” Most schools celebrate festivals and organise national and international tours, relieving parents of more responsibilities.

Published Date:  Jul 12, 2012        Courtesy(visited on 12.7.12)

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