on punishing children....

TREAT OR BEAT?         - Reema.Gehi

 Zero punishment with incentives or whacking-only-when-necessary? Two young moms annouce their verdict

    When kids act out, what do parents do? British Cabinet Minister Chris Grayling smacks his children to ‘send a message’ when they behaved badly. Alan E Kazdin, author of the Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child, would call Grayling’s strategy ineffective. “The rate of misbehaviour does not decline, in fact, the problem behaviour returns, even if the parent escalates the punishment,” he says. Mirror investigates two points of view. 

‘Just raise an eyebrow’ 

    Prabhadevi resident and HR professional Preeti Gulati, can’t remember a single instance in the last six years when she has felt the need to raise a hand on her kids, six-year-old Anaisha and four-year-old Aarush. “When an adult hits a child, it’s a show of power by the strong over the weak. It frightens kids, and embarrasses them. I’d suggest that parents desist from even scolding their kids in public; it can have an adverse emotional impact on them. Just raising an eyebrow can be an effective indication that they must behave themselves,” she says. Else, take them to a corner and explain why their behaviour is inappropriate, Gulati suggests. 
    For the 35-year-old, what’s worked is taking away their privileges when they won’t listen to her. When they do, she rewards them. If it’s a tantrum you are battling, ignoring works wonders. She speaks of a recent instance when Anaisha insisted on snacking on chips just before dinner. Gulati told her she’d allow her to eat chips the next day as an evening snack. Anaisha vowed never to eat dinner, if she wasn’t allowed to eat chips. Gulati says she ignored the fit, and when dinner was served, Anaisha was fine. 

    “Once you say no, you have to stick with it. Else, the child sees screaming as a convincing tool. At the same time, stick to your word. The following day, I made sure Anaisha got the chips.” Sometimes, her mommy love takes over, “You have to give in sometimes. But the trick is not to say yes, immediately after a no. This works for my children,”she says. 

‘At times, you’ve to whack them’ 

    While modern parenting is in vogue, Rupa Manek, a mother and design agency head says occasional strict and traditional parenting did no one any harm. The Goregaon resident, who has two children — 10-year-old Nuha and eight-year-old Ayaan — says, “Whacking a child isn’t good, but it depends on the situation and the age of the child.” She remembers a recent family camping trip to Kolad. While the parents were around a campfire, skewing food on the barbeque, Ayaan began flinging stones into the fire. “I told him repeatedly that a flare up could be dangerous. Finally, he got a smack for not listening and egging the other kids.” 
    Children, she argues, forget and move on very easily. “By resorting to a firm measure, you sends out a signal that some things you just don’t do.” Manek always takes the conversation route first. Explaining why they must behave a certain way, and depriving them of things they desire works effectively on most days. “If they don’t get the message, I let the strict disciplinarian in me take over,” she admits. 

‘Talk to the child’ 

            Clinical psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany has a clear stand on corporal punishment. “Physical punishment is a form of bullying and achieves nothing. What it does is emotionally affect kids, turning them into fearful individuals.” Parents who resort to slapping need to ask themselves if they are letting social, environmental or economic stress influence them. “What helps is talking to the child. Tell the child what the acceptable behaviour is. Not doing that and expecting the child to behave in a certain way is not fair.”

    The line between an occasional whack and abuse is thin, she warns. “Once, the mother of a child who suffered from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, was so exasperated, she grabbed his hand and placed it on hot gas. Parenting is tough, and if you have a special child, it gets even more difficult. Seek therapy, speak to friends, give yourself and the child time out.” 

    Dr Kazdin says the task parents have on hand is to help kids change their behaviour, and there are more effective ways of disciplining. Positive reinforcement for alternative behaviours is one. This ranges from offering rewards and praise, shaping desired behaviour and developing repeated practice.

Courtesy: p.25. Mumbai Mirror, 28.2.13

http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=pastissues2&BaseHref=MMIR/2013/02/28&PageLabel=25&EntityId=Ar02500&ViewMode=HTML

On ADHD- Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

A much misunderstood problem                  - MOUSHMI KISHORE

Distracted, unable to focus on and complete tasks, restless… many parents may feel such behaviour is common among kids. But, it could be Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, a psychiatric condition which may require special care.

            A preschooler who tears through the house like a tornado, a 4-year-old who talks incessantly and blurts out the answer even before hearing the full question, a 6-year-old who butts into a game and is surprised when the others reject him, an 8-year-old day-dreamer who is never able to find her homework folder, and is unable to focus for long on a task, shifting from one unfinished task to another… they are all different children, yet each could be having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). ADHD is the most common, yet most misunderstood of all childhood psychiatric illnesses.

Parents feel guilty when they receive repeated calls or notes from their child’s teacher saying that he can’t sit still, his behaviour is disruptive, or that he is inattentive and disorganised. ADHD is a complex disorder, often misdiagnosed. There is a great deal of confusion about where to draw the line between typical childhood behaviour and that which signals a clinical condition requiring treatment.

            “Youngsters with ADHD have problems that show up more often, last longer, and are more intense than those observed in the average child,” explains Dr. Rakesh Ghildiyal, Professor and Head of Psychiatry, MGM Medical College, Navi Mumbai. If his behaviour lands him frequently in trouble at home and school, then it’s important to find out why, the sooner the better.

Difficulty with academics

            “Kids with ADHD act without thinking, are hyperactive, and have trouble focussing. They may understand what’s expected of them but have trouble following through because they can’t sit still, pay attention or attend to details,” says Dr. Anjali Chhabria, Mumbai-based Consultant Psychiatrist. Not all affected individuals manifest all the symptoms of the behaviour subtypes associated with ADHD. But usually children with ADHD are found to have difficulty with academics, and emotional and social functioning. A diagnosis is made bearing in mind three factors — symptoms, dysfunction and duration of the child’s behaviour. “The symptoms of hyperactivity and inattention should be present in more than one setting (school and home) and should persist for a longer period of time, six or more symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity should persist for at least six months and behaviour found inconsistent with the developmental level required to diagnose ADHD,” says Dr. Ghildiyal. The child’s behaviour must fall in one of these subtypes before age 7. Doctors and therapists rely on a comprehensive developmental history, detailed questionnaires and rating scales to assess a child’s behaviour and level of impairment over the years.

            The unusual behaviour can be linked to stress at home. Kids from a broken home, who have been through illness, a change of school or other significant life event, may suddenly begin to act oddly or become forgetful. To avoid misdiagnosis, it is important to consider whether these factors have played a role in the onset of symptoms.

            Boys are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD though no one knows if the problem is more common among them. But the disorganised quiet girl is often overlooked even though her ADHD may be just as severe as that of boy bouncing in his seat beside her.

            “Since ADHD children are impulsive, they are very curious. They like experimenting with new things without being aware of the dangers. These kids are more likely to resort to drugs, smoking and alcohol early in life,” says Dr. Chhabria. They are often reprimanded in school and at home because of their disruptive behaviour. This lowers their self-esteem and they develop negative feelings. As they have difficulty controlling their behaviour, they are unable to focus, or focus so intensely on specific details that they miss the bigger and more important picture.

“The good news is that with proper medication and behaviour therapies kids with ADHD can learn to manage their symptoms,” says Dr. Ashok Tapaswi, a Mumbai-based child specialist.

Different therapies

            “In India, we rely more on different kinds of programmes to treat ADHD kids. However, the programme as well as its duration differs from one child to another,” says Dr. Chhabria. Alternative treatments such as special educational interventions, diet manipulation, visual training, allergy treatment, and attention training are some steps to help kids stay organised and improve their concentration. There’s growing evidence that parents working with the school can help rein in their child’s behaviour. Dedicating a specific time and place for homework, creating a checklist every day, using a planner to track assignments and taking time to review homework are some ways to help kids cope.

            Children outgrow ADHD by the time they are16-18. Hyperactivity diminishes with age but symptoms of inattention tend to remain constant. Although it can be a challenge to raise kids with ADHD, it’s important to remember, they are not being difficult on purpose. Parents should take advantage of the support and education facilities available to help children with ADHD achieve success.

courtesy: 

http://www.thehindu.com/sci-tech/health/policy-and-issues/a-much-misunderstood-problem/article4469120.ece

About middle child syndrome...

In the middle       - FARIDA RAJ

  The middle child syndrome does exist, but its effects can be mitigated. Here’s how.  

                             Encourage children not to compare themselves with their siblings and peers.          

      Rewa took my hand, lifted it to her face and started to cry. I was aghast at her behaviour. She was sobbing and repeatedly saying, “I tried so hard”. It took some effort and time to quieten her.

            Rewa had come to me because she was concerned about her nine-year old son’s academic performance. I found the little boy to be all right; he was of average intelligence. It was the mother who had a problem — she was overly worried about her son. In her anxiety she kept goading him to do better, believing that excellence in academics will make him popular, loved and accepted by everyone around him. It had come to a stage where the boy just did not want to try anymore. When I drew her attention to this obsession, she burst out crying. She said all her life she had tried hard to be accepted, loved and acknowledged, in vain. It was not the outsiders but her own parents and siblings who ignored her. She had an older brother and a younger sister. The parental affection was given to the eldest as he was the first born, who had introduced them to the thrill of parenthood and the youngest was cherished for she was the cutest child they would ever raise. She, the middle one, simply got ignored. She had to do something extraordinary to get the attention she desperately craved for.

            It suddenly struck me that the ‘middle child’ syndrome is not a myth. It is real. If there are three kids in the family and you are the middle one then the chances are that you might constantly have to compete for family attention, try harder to be noticed, to get parental attention at any cost. I remember my brother, a middle child, who would do a headstand whenever the family entertained!

Low self-esteem

            Studies show that the birth order and the sibling relationship contribute to personality traits, self-esteem and confidence. The middle child grows up in the shadow of his older sibling. Always trying to emulate him, trying to follow the milestones set by him. He gets too concerned about others’ opinion of himself. He often undervalues his own worth and ends up with low self-esteem. The low self-esteem the middle child experiences, makes him believe that every problem is somehow his fault. He spends time and resources helping people who probably do not deserve it. His problem is ‘being too nice’. Middle child syndrome does exist but with proper care, a middle child can grow up to enjoy a virtually drama-free life, give or take a few emotional outbursts.

It is natural for kids to compare themselves to their siblings and peers. And as a parent your challenge is to minimise sibling conflict and not aggravate it further.

I suggest that parents banish the word ‘comparison’ from their vocabulary. Your child will pick up any comparison you make and despair at any shortcomings of his own. This may lead to resentment and anger. Make a conscious effort not to compare your middle child to his peer.

            It would be wonderful if parents could find one thing that makes their middle child feel special and highlight it. Try and find a creative out-let for him.

Creative expression will help him vent negative feelings and it also welcomes positive attention. But do bear in mind that middle child is a master of manipulation for he knows where he stands. Guard yourself against emotional blackmail.

Studies show that the birth order and the sibling relationship contribute to personality traits, self-esteem and confidence.

(The author is a remedial educator)

Courtesy : http://www.thehindu.com/features/metroplus/in-the-middle/article4139958.ece

Dyscalculia needs help and support!

February 24, 2013

Numbers, a nightmare?     - APARNA KARTHIKEYAN

Parenting: For some, it’s child’s play; for others, especially those with dyscalculia, the very thought of math makes life miserable.

In a country where everybody is expected to be a high-achiever in math, it comes as a surprise – and shock – when one’s offspring has trouble with numbers. When scolding, threats, and extra practice fail to improve the score, parents realise that there could actually be a problem. That problem has a name – dyscalculia.

“Dyscalculia is a specific learning disability, with respect to arithmetic,” says Dr.S.Yamuna, consultant paediatrician and adolescent physician. Dyscalculia is suspected when a child is unable to meet the developmental milestones in mathematics. “Children start counting around age 4. They count from 1 to 10, and by age 5, up to 50. (Children skip numbers while counting, if they’re taught, ahead of time) Then come ascending and descending numbers, around 6-8 years. And if a child is having problems with all this in class 2, it’s time to seek help,” advises Dr.Yamuna.

Dyscalculia has a strong genetic link (parents tend to say “my son/ daughter is weak in math, just as I was”) and it also manifests itself outside the classroom, says Dr.Yamuna. “These children can also have problems in social life, as it affects time-related activities and sequential learning. As they grow older, they will have problems with the times-tables; mathematical calculations will take much longer. They’re also reluctant to give up using their fingers as a tool to add or subtract,” she explains.

Diagnosis

Although the dyscalculic brain does not understand math as it should, by rote learning and repeated practice, the children complete assignments and do reasonably well in assessments in the lower grades. ‘However, when arithmetic progresses, their skills falter. Parents say “in Standard II, my child got 80 per cent; but now, in Standard VI, it’s down to single digit marks.” Some go into denial. By Standard 9, others would’ve beaten the child, and pushed them; only when nothing works, do the alarm bells ring. But by then, the children would’ve faced ridicule, from parents, siblings, peers and the school authorities. They will feel completely unskilled in math, and their self-esteem is hugely affected.”

Remedy

Special educator and psychologist, Krithiga Viswanathan, says that when she encounters children with symptoms of dyscalculia, she recommends that they be assessed for the problem. “Only clinical psychologists and trained personnel can assess the kids. Once the diagnosis is completed, remedial classes are started. If the child is in, say, Standard 3, we go back two grades, and start with the concepts. It’s also important to keep in mind that if a child has trouble solving word problems, he/she might have other learning disabilities as well.”

“The best remedy is early detection,” agrees Dr.Yamuna. Dyscalculic children often face problems because of the pressure to absorb 100 per cent of the syllabus. “That’s when they fall behind very badly; remedial teachers can help here; they can be taught differently, approaching 50 to 70 per cent of the syllabus.”

Having dyscalculia does not mean the child’s IQ is low, says Krithiga. “They don’t have IQ problems; and they could be very good in other things; they only have trouble understanding arithmetic concepts,” she says. “We try and see where the problem is, and what type of learner he/she is, before formulating remedial lessons. Typically, I use a lot of computer based activities, as the kids don’t even realise they are learning. It’s more a game for them, than studying, and computers are also an excellent reinforcing medium,” Krithiga says.

Other simple ways in which parents can help are by playing board games (ludo, snakes and ladders), besides traditional ones like othaiya-rettaiya and palaanguzhi, says Dr.Yamuna. “Involve the children in everyday math; ask them to count steps; skip 300 times, so that they get comfortable up to 300. For ascending and descending numbers, tell them to skip till 25, and count backwards. Make subtraction a family game. All this will help bonding with the child and boost his confidence immensely.” For the board examination years, Dr.Yamuna says with all the provisions currently available (refer box), a child who has been diagnosed with dyscalculia can have extra support and time. And that, itself, offers hope for anybody suffering from this little known, yet fairly common disorder…

Help during exams

Dr. Virudhagirinathan, clinical neuropsychologist, lists the board exam provisions for children with diagnosed learning disabilities (certified by a neuropsychological test and respective school teachers, subject to DOE, Government of Tamil Nadu and regional director of CBSE schools)

* 1 hour extra time and allowance for spelling mistakes, as long as the meaning of the word is unchanged (for e.g. kamel instead of camel)

* Exemption of second language in case of severe disability.

* Use of calculators and Clarke’s tables

* A scribe, if there is a severe writing disorder

* A reader to read out questions, for children with reading disorders.

courtesy: http://www.thehindu.com/features/metroplus/numbers-a-nightmare/article4446219.ece

Physically active kids are better scorers...

Physically active kids are better scorers

Canadian research shows that students who take part in games and sports events are more academically fit than the sedentary ones

     If you think studying at a stretch for hours can fetch you good marks, think again. A Canadian research reveals that children who are more physically active are more academically fit when compared to sedentary pupils. They score better in maths and reading, have greater perceptual skill and overall academic readiness.
The research was conducted by the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario Research Institute, in collaboration with Participation.

    While it is well-known that physical activity is essential for health, it is for the first time that a study has linked it with students’ performance in school. The study recommends physical activity for 90 minutes.

   Also, a professor at Ruparel College, Neeta Tatke conducted a similar study which established that youth who indulge in Mallakhamb (a traditional Indian exercise-cum-art) have higher emotional intelligence than those who don’t.

   Mallakhamb trainer and sports psychologist at the college, Tatke said, “If you participate regularly in some physical activity, don’t stop it during exams. Continuing with it can help score better.”

    Doctors also support this study. “Endorphins are released during any kind of exercise. The hormones help reduce anxiety levels and contribute to sharpening their memory and analytical abilities,” endocrinologist at Lilavati Hospital, Dr Shashank Joshi said.
   The principal of National College, Dinesh Panjwani said that sports can also help students keep away from negative thoughts.

    Despite these findings, students always complain about lack of time. “Forget exercising, we don’t get the time to eat,” said HSC student, Rohan Shinde.
However, ayurveda expert Dr Nitanjan Patel counters this claim. “Skipping TV and other gadgets can give them enough time to walk, jog or run,” he said, adding that a healthy diet and good sleep can help for better their performance.

Courtesy :

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/story.aspx?id=39842&boxid=15750&ed_date=2013-2-25&ed_code=820009&ed_page=4

Published Date:  Feb 25, 2013