Generation gussa
Grappling
intolerance and rage, adolescents are targeting their parents with sudden
violent outbursts. Experts tell Mirror how and when they should intervene
A15-year-old
girl planned to stalk a boy on Facebook, after he broke up with her. When her
parents tried to talk her out of it, she broke their flat screen television set
and hurled a paperweight and pen stand at her mother.
» A 16-year old girl was caught
stealing Rs 80,000 from the home safe by her father. When he confronted her,
she threw a stool at his head.
» A 14-year old boy killed his mother
because she was often upset with him for not doing well in studies.
» A 13-year old boy thrashed his
father because he did not permit him to go shopping with his friends.
These are only some of the complaints that Mumbai psychiatrists
have received over the past year, signalling a growing intolerance among
today’s youth, especially in the age group of 13 to 17 years, towards their
parents. What is worrisome is that this is manifested through extreme violence.
Recent news reports bear this out. The story of a 15-year-old from Palghar
killing his father for refusing to buy him a mobile phone is still fresh in
people’s minds. Two days ago, another 15-year-old from Thane reportedly killed
his father who was planning to remarry.
“Call it
momentary madness if you like, but the fact is, most kids today cannot deal
with the emotion of anger,” says psychiatrist and child psychologist Dr Anjali
Chhabria, whose Juhu clinic sees a steady stream of concerned parents.
This seems to
be a global trend if
we were to go by a study published by the Harvard Medical School last year.
Published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, the study found that one in 12
adolescents in the States could be suffering from Intermittent Explosive
Disorder or IED that results in extreme short temper. Based on a household
survey of 10,148 youngsters, the study also found that nearly two thirds had a
history of anger attacks that involved real or threatened violence.
IED is a behavioural disorder characterised by extreme
expressions of rage that are disproportionate to the situation at hand. So, why
are city kids facing this?
According to
Chhabria, IED is part of the problem here, too, but the rage could also be
symptomatic of other disorders such as depression, anxiety or even personality
disorders.
TROUBLE BEGINS AT HOME
Psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty argues that we must first consider the
role played by parents in their child’s rage, and he faults the lack of time spent
between them at home.
“The
conversation is restricted to ‘Khaana khaya?’, ‘Homework kiya?’, ‘Abhi so jao’.
If parents spend time watching TV after work, what does this do to the
emotional contact between them and their children?” he asks.
Former
president of Bombay Psychiatrists Association, Dr Kersi Chavda agrees.
“Parents,” he says, “lash out at their kid and lower his/her self-esteem. If
parents don’t display anger and anxiety, anger levels in kids are found to be
lower.” The diet consumed by children also adds to their emotional imbalance,
Dr Shetty adds. “Excessive consumption of colas and fast food diminishes
nutrients and leads to biochemical changes in the body. Irritability levels
increase on account of excessive caffeine.”
Dr Shetty is
not alone in assuming that colas play a role in an individual’s mental health.
A recent study, which will be presented at a meeting of the American Academy of
Neurology (AAN) in March, has found a link between cola consumption and
depression. In an AAN release, study author Dr Honglei Chen was quoted as
saying, “Sweetened beverages, coffee and tea are commonly consumed worldwide
and have important physical — and may have important mental — health
consequences.”
NIP IT IN THE BUD
A Bandra-based homemaker, who has
been a victim of her son’s rage, told Mirror, “I have borne the brunt of my
teenage son’s blows. It was always a consequence of saying ‘No’ to him.
Whenever my husband and I disagreed with his wants, whether a car or money, he
became violent.”
According to Chhabria, accepting a ‘no’ is a challenge
for adolescents. “This is because they have been given everything on a platter
since they were born. The ‘no’ — if and when it comes — seems humiliating.”
Experts also
point to the culture of might, propagated in Bollywood, that could be a
possible cause for violent behaviour. When children see violence being
valourised in films that don’t depict the very real consequences of this
behaviour (physical pain; emotional hurt), they are trained to think that this
behaviour is okay. What’s more, few parents take the trouble to explain the
consequences of violence to their children.
Yet, if
detected early, experts say that this behaviour can be corrected.
ROLE OF STAKEHOLDERS
Mumbai’s psychiatrists have been offering anger management therapy to
these teens, which includes counselling sessions coupled with yoga exercises.
“Yoga inculcates self-discipline; to modify the lifestyle of kids indulging in
violence, we teach them vipasna techniques,” says Chhabria. Dr Shetty contends
that working closely with the police will help curtail the trend. “Some cops
make for very good counsellors,” he says adding, “Therapy has helped many
children lead normal lives.”
Psychiatrists
also work closely with schools to train teachers on how to deal with violent
students. Some schools have professional counsellors at hand, while others have
included anger management in their study course.
Utpal
Shanghvi School in Juhu has two counsellors on board, and students from Class
six onwards are taught human resources development, which includes lessons on
managing temper. “The counsellors take turns to sit in classes to observe how
children behave. They keep a record of every student,” says Principal Abha Dharampal.
With doctors
and school authorities taking cognisance of the issue, the question remains —
what must parents do?
Dharampal
says it is vital to hand-hold the child facing anger issues, which she says,
sometimes stem from helplessness. She illustrates with an example. “After an
enraged Class 9 student smashed a window in school, we had to call his parents.
We found out that he had a very aggressive father. The counsellors took over
and counselled him right through Class 10. Their main message to him was that
anger was a sign of helplessness and weakness. He sailed through his board
examination.”
David
Gottlieb, a Harvard trained clinical psychologist and author of books such as
Anger Overload in Children: A Parent’s Manual and Your Child is Defiant: Why is
Nothing Working? keeps a blog called yourchildisdefiant.blogspot.in, where he
advises parents on how to deal with what he calls, anger overload in their
kids. While there is no anger ‘antidote,’ Gottlieb assures parents that with
repeated practise, children can develop skills to cope with their emotions.
He advises parents to intervene in the early stages or
after their child’s fury has subsided. During the outburst, it is best not to
say or do anything unless someone is getting hurt. He exhorts parents to
recognise a pattern. For instance, if the child is likely to have an outburst
when you switch off the television after dinner, one option is to not switch on
the television at all, he writes. Another possible intervention is to distract
the child from his anger.
“Parents need to make the child understand that
‘feeling’ angry and ‘getting’ angry are two different things. We team up with
the child to help him/her deal with his/her anger. This way, we let them know
that the anger is the problem, not them,” says Chhabria.
Experts also advice parents to have certain
non-negotiable rules for their children. Once they identify a source of rage,
it is a good idea to involve the child in becoming aware of the triggers too.
Under no circumstances, experts warn, should parents
dismiss violent behaviour by their children. Violent behaviour in a child at
any age always needs to be taken seriously. It should not be dismissed as a
phase they’re going through,” says Dr. Chhabria.
ADDING TO THE DAMAGE
» BOLLYWOOD: Bollywood propagates a culture of
might. When children see violence being valourised in films that don’t depict
the very real consequences of this behaviour (physical pain; emotional hurt),
they are trained to think that this behaviour is okay.
» FAST FOODS: Excessive consumption of colas and
fast food diminishes nutrients and leads to biochemical changes in the body.
Irritability levels increase on account of excessive caffeine.
» LASHING OUT: When
parents lash out at their kids, they lower their self-esteem. If parents don’t
display anger and anxiety, anger levels in kids are found to be lower.
